"Habitual Anger"

Today's Inspiration, thank you Daily Om

Habitual Anger

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

Anger can easily become our go-to emotion; to remedy, start noticing when and why you get angry.

Sometimes when we feel anger, it is coming from a deep place that demands acknowledgment and expression. At these times, it is important that we find healthy ways to honor our anger, remembering how dangerous it is to repress it. However, anger can also become a habit, our go-to emotion whenever things go wrong. Often this is because, for whatever reason, we feel more comfortable expressing anger than we do other emotions, like sadness. It can also be that getting angry gives us the impression that we've done something about our problem. In these cases, our habitual anger is inhibiting both our ability to express our other emotions and to take action in our lives.

If it's true that anger is functioning this way in your life, the first thing you might want to try is to notice when you get angry. You might begin to see a pattern of some kind. For example, you could notice that it is always your first response or that it comes up a lot in one particular situation. If the pattern doesn't become clear right away, you could try keeping a journal about when you get angry and see if you can find any underlying meaning. The good thing about keeping a journal is that you can explore your anger more deeply in it--from examining who in your family of origin expressed a lot of anger to how you feel when you encounter anger in others. This kind of awareness can be a formidable agent of transformation.

Anger can be a powerful ally, since it is filled with energy that we can harness and use to create change in the world. It is one of the most cathartic emotions, and it can also be a very effective cleanser of the emotional system. However, when it becomes a habit, it actually loses its power to transform and becomes an obstacle to growth. Identifying the role anger plays in your life and restoring it to its proper function can bring new energy and expansiveness to your emotional life.

My Notes:

Anger is something I've known to have a lot of. I used to lash out and feel helpless and use it as an excuse. Then I would feel bad about it. I think coming to terms with where it comes from, why it exists in each of us in the way that it does, and what triggers it can help minimize it and control it. I am at the point of, I'm tired of being angry. Learning about Buddhist principles through Tara and in therapy has be feeling more self compassionate as to where it is from. Also though, now understanding (almost fully? who can say) I have to be held accountable. 

Buddhist Master Shantiveda says:

... although they wish for happiness,
Out of ignorance they destroy it like a foe. 

Everyone gets upset, knowing why it is in you and taking the time to see it clearly is avoiding that ignorance. I've been ignorant, and defiant about dealing with this. It is not something I enjoy, sitting down with these hard feelings - but it's necessary. "Out of ignorance" we suffer. 

I like how Madisyn says that it can be a powerful ally. I think she's right. Tara says something like "there is intelligence in our anger." Let's learn from it and not make it a habit, a reflex. Which is what it became for me until recently. I wasn't entirely ignorant, I knew there was an issue with how I manage or deal with anger, but in some ways there was a lot I needed to go through and observe to see it more clearly. It's my path of figuring out, glad it is making more sense then it has before. I think what is helping me more this time around, is knowing it is not my fault. I used to just blame myself for messing up again and again. And not sitting down trying to understand where the anger was coming from (the intelligence we must seek), I would get pissed again and again without explanation. I was full of apologies and felt shame and regret. What is different this time, like I said, is I understand now that it is not my fault. There are patterns in my family that I have observed growing up, and am still observing. There are generations of it. There is also the evolutionary aspect of the brain, feeling threatened and defensive is our most accessible way to respond since the beginning of our existence on this planet. The reactiveness, ah, it is so lame! Learning to stop and sense, "ok, is it my ego getting offended?" It is not all about me. "Is this the reptilian brain talking?" Okay, then it is not my fault but I mustn't react in a rash way. "Ok. It is not worth it." 

Being angry hurts us, and others. Physically too. Anger is not good for our health, and it stresses out the ones we love. We don't want to treat people that way, we don't want to treat ourselves this way either.

Half the time I would get mad, probably more then half, was all misunderstandings. It was me taking things far too personally. Learning to move past this. Learning to pause and feel my body, "where is it really coming from?"

 I hope this "daily inspiration" from Daily Om was helpful for someone out there.