"I'm sorry"

November 01, 2016

"I'm sorry"

It's November today. Crazy. Trying to stay positive and hopeful for my future.

I think what encourages me to continue blogging is to be held accountable, whether anyone reads it or not. It's out there in the universe - I guess I can "talk" and meditate on it (which I'm doing anyway), but there's something about trying to keep your word for others to see. "Accountability partners" is a thing! Loved ones help too. I just want to be better. I know I'm not alone. Maybe it's vulnerable of me.. I get trashed for that sometimes. I know it's out of love and concern. So maybe I gotta find a balance. Don't worry about me. I'm finding my way! & Sometimes you just gotta throw it out there and see what feedback ya get.

I get emails from "Daily Om" everyday with inspirational messages or things to ponder. For a few years now. Such good stuff. I don't always read them every day, something I'd like do daily and will, but just gotta say that they are so insightful. I copied one I received a few weeks ago below. This struck a chord with me. I'm working on this too. Maybe whoever reads this, if anyone, will also find this helpful. I joked with loved ones about a penny jar (no quarters or dollar bills!) - baby steps.

October 11, 2016
Compulsive Apologies
The Feeling Underneath

by Madisyn Taylor

Apologizing chronically can be a sign that you are not feeling that you have much self worth.

Many people suffer with the tendency to apologize all the time, chronically, for everything. On the one hand, apologizing is a social convention that keeps interactions between people polite, and in that way it can be very helpful. On the other hand, if we find ourselves apologizing for everything, it might be time to look at why we feel compelled to say “I’m sorry” so often. Ultimately, saying you’re sorry is saying that you are responsible for something that has gone wrong in the situation. Whether it’s negotiating a parking spot, moving through the aisles of the supermarket, or reaching for what you want, there are times when sorry is the right thing to say. But there are other times when “excuse me” is more accurate.

Sometimes saying you’re sorry is like saying that the other person in the equation has more of a right to be here than you do. Of course, it’s true that using the word sorry can simply be an innocuous way of defusing tension. However, if you find that you say sorry all the time, you might want to look a little deeper and see where in your psyche that might be coming from. If it’s a pattern, breaking it may simply take some awareness and practice.

The first step is observing yourself each time you say it, without being hard on yourself about it. Throughout your day simply notice when you apologize. At first, you might be surprised to see that you do it even more than you first realized. After a day or two of simply observing, try to tune in to what it is you are feeling right before you say it. You might be feeling threatened, embarrassed, intensely anxious, or a variety of other feelings. Over time, try to stop yourself before the words come out and just be with the feeling that’s there. You may recognize it as one from your childhood, one that’s been with you for a long time. The more you are able to see it, the freer you will be not to be sorry all the time.