Trying to shine this light, and get organized about it

Shining the light of awareness is the beginning to freedom. Been feeling more awakened to this desire to understand why I am the  way that I am. Especially now, when I'm learning about the evolution of the brain, separation traumas, confidence, and the human condition. I've always had this need, but with so much loss and disappointment lately, maybe God/the universe needed to get me on check. My heart is big and I am sensitive (which isn't bad, just hard), so it's been "devastating" at times. I was advised not to use that word, but I feel so much that the hurt is debilitating. I want to cope better, I want to be a better witness to my emotions and accept and let go of the things that happened to me throughout my life (and continue to do so). At the same time, everything that I can possibly learn from these experiences I want to grasp. It's not a quick fix, but an indefinite practice that I want to carry on until the day I pass. I believe the practice will become easier as I practice throughout daily experiences and major events through being more aware and self compassionate (might need a tattoo for a reminder!).

Over time, this practice will help me be more mindful and patient rather than the reactive way that I no longer what to be identified with. I'm tired of letting my fear rule me. So much suffering has been a result because of fear, and it doesn't have to be this way. I won't live in the dark, denying myself room to grow by living in stagnation. I choose the pathway of being awake to the shadows of my unconscious, and putting my unconscious ways of thinking into the light of awareness. With that light, my suffering and fear will be revealed to me as the lies that they are. Do not listen to the negativity of your mind. I'm trying not to. Time has come to start fresh.  We must be kind to ourselves and allow ourselves to deal with things in whatever ways we need. We do not need to blame ourselves or anyone or anything for our suffering. With the light of awareness and then simple steps in investigating our pain, allowing it, and then nurturing it - we can solve anything with this self-care and love for our well being. You gotta live by love, for others but firstly for yourself.

Going to start this online course tomorrow  I found, it's :  "Awaken your heart, creativity, and wisdom with Tara Brach." I've been so inspired by her messages and insight. If you couldn't tell already ha. I am collecting and organizing material she says from talks on podcasts, and I think I have a general understanding. I think this class is exactly what I need to be organized on MY stuff in accordance to her insights and teachings. Will share as much as I can on my little journey. And will continue to share some of the awesome knowledge I've gained from her podcasts as I listen to them and study the messages. Ah. Spiritual life.. Emotional well being.. Physical health - a practice. Necessary self-care. Hope through this blog what I am learning helps someone else too. Pay it forward somehow.


"You get to fill the blackboard of your life with whatever you want. If you have filled it with baggage from the past, wipe it clean. Erase everything from the past that does not serve you, and be grateful it brought you to this place now, and to a new beginning. You have a clean slate, and you can start over - right here, right now. Find your joy and live it."