If I were to die

Something I have been wanting to consider, and really mean it. A meditation and a teaching I do not want to go unnoticed without practice. 

Remembering : the preciousness of this human life.

I'll try today. 

Death is certain

The time of death is uncertain

The only thing that can help us at the time of our death is our mental and spiritual development

Definitely would let go of my ego and my selfishness. 

I would approach those I love dearly and those I once loved dearly and let them all know that there is nothing to worry about it.

I hope that they can forgive me for my selfishness. A lot of the people that are no longer in my lives left, but I pushed them away. Most of my life I was under the impression and wore a very dense lens of "they don't care enough, they are going to leave anyway." I could like my teacher says "tell them my story," thinking it will matter but it doesn't. I had a chance to be different, but that is our condition. Hurt and pain is our condition, and so is humility. I want them for forgive me for my lack of compassion toward them and resistance to believing and accepting their love. If they couldn't forgive me, or I couldn't get a hold of them before I pass - I would wish sincerely that they be free from suffering and the roots of suffering and that they live happily. Living in a little circle diameter that moves as I do with walls of fear, distrust, and because of the "wall" - neglect. Loving someone, friends or a partner, is being there fully present. I've neglected this. I'd ask for forgiveness too or again, hope that they live happy and positive lives. I would also forgive them for any hurt they brought upon me, I don't want to leave without the opportunity of freeing them of any guilt they may possess. They deserve freedom. We are conditioned to be mean and harsh to ones we love, to strangers, to "enemies." Why? Selfishness and ego. I want abandon all hurt, guilt, resentment and sincerely hope they can do the same. I wish I had the bravely in me to do this now. Since I don't I will sincerely pray that they all are happy, free suffering, healthy, free from pain, peaceful, free from stress and anxiety. Our world is stressful and our culture doesn't cultivate enough outlets and models for peace internally and externally. I would also sincerely wish this undeniable truth to change. 

To my parents, all my family, friends, and all the animals I have gotten to take care of and love - I would also tell them it is ok, and everything is going to be fine. I would also ask for forgiveness and if they needed liberation by my forgiveness, I would grant them that along with any wish I could possibly possess to make them happy in my last moments. I would want them to know that their love, loyalty, care, and presence have brought me so much joy. We had our tough moments too, and we overcame them. I have pushed and pushed, and you even though I probably didn't deserve you. Thank you for your unconditional love. 

I love you all and wish for you to live in a manner that makes you happy and fulfills your heart. 

That is my prayer for all the world, get past the tension and see the similarities among us all. We all have the same values deep down. The way we go about them may be different, but why not celebrate that there are so many ways to live and be here on this planet. Instead of fight or argue, opening up to understanding. EVERYONE has a valid reason for their beliefs, hear them out without judgement and any other mental states. Being a good listener is something, if I were to die, I would have wished upon all and myself to adopt, practice, and become. A good listener is someone who listens without judgement, without a need to retaliate... someone with the desire to be compassionate and connect to another sentient being. We all long for connection.

There is so much I want to say, and I wish I read more so I could be a better writer. If I get into school, assuming I am blessed to continue living, I hope I can improve and make a difference through my outreach by using language. 

This practice has me crying. This is how I want to live by. With humility, love, and acceptance. 

Most of my sufferings are from not wanting to accept painful moments, difficult people.. saying "no" is not a good state of mind. We must accept our world and the conditions in it, do our best to be good to ourselves and others from a sincere heartfelt place, and make model "..the change you wish to see in the world."